6 days late...

...and everyone is healthy and happy!
     Annika Marie is a beautiful bundle that I thank God for every day. And then every night I wonder what the hell I got myself into.
     Every time I nurse her she falls asleep! The advice from the nurse at the hospital and then her doctor via the PA is the same as the advice in the books I have at home: tickle her toes, put her skin-to-skin with your belly, use a cool wash cloth on her back, burp her, change her.  I can do all of those things but the only sure fire way to get her to wake up and want to keep eating is to lay her down to sleep. Swaddle her, lay her down, say good night and walk away. Boom- she's up and hungry. Well, sometimes I have to also lay down and start to drift to sleep.  So I have to wonder, is it just me?  What are the secret tricks that no one wants to share?  Why does this have to happen every single time?
     At least I am worrying less about her getting enough to eat. She gained 4 ounces in 2 days bringing her closer to her birth weight.  But according to the literature, she should be eating 15-20 minutes per side at every feeding. It's almost laughable. And I am laughing- my Buddhism for Mothers book recommends this strategy for dealing with life's suffering. It is only the end of week 1 but so far I am handling the middle of the night frustrations better than with Emma.
      I have set myself up better this time around, though. I am armed every night in the guest room with the following: small lamp burning relatively bright, hand-held Tetris game, Buddhism for Mothers, record sheets from the hospital for recording times and duration of feedings (plus wet and dirty diaper tallies), pen, burp cloths, pillows, changing table close by, and the list of topics for the nature center preschool program lessons I am writing.  The benefits for this set up are numerous. The most important being that I am able to be more awake and not having to stare at my cozy bed for the entire 40-50 event wishing that I was asleep and thinking dreadful, selfish thoughts about how long the process is taking. The other distractions are a nice way to keep my mind in a pleasant state. I should be practicing mindful awareness but I have some months to get to that point. The list of topics has actually been very worthwhile. I had no idea I could be so creative at 3 in the morning!  I have a lot of ideas and have almost made it half-way through the fall lessons in just a few days.
  Now that I have it all written out, it doesn't sound so bad does it? Maybe the night times really aren't hellish after all...