Pity Party

So much for being green because today I feel blue. I know that is cheesy- but I am desperate here!  My husband has been traveling every Monday through Thursday for several weeks now. My belly keeps getting bigger making me more uncomfortable and the morning nausea is more debilitating than ever!  Our 4 year old hasn't been getting enough sleep and is not handling all of the changes very well. She oscillates between little devil, cry baby, and clingy mama's girl- all within minutes!  It doesn't help that when I feel crappy I am also cranky; I don't handle her changes very well either. We are not a great combination these days! So when my hubby calls to check in at the end of the day I feel like I need to decompress, but Emma has other ideas. Pulling the dog's ears, strangling the dog, asking me questions repeatedly, doing what I just said no to, etc- in other words she makes completely poor choices as soon as I start talking to her daddy. So much so that I can hardly have a conversation. I could just scream! But instead I firmly tell her after we get off the phone why her behavior is not okay. I thought she was going to cry.
After saying goodnight I came downstairs and balled. While washing the dishes. I tried to avoid dripping snot into the dishwater; I took lots of mini breaks to blow my nose (and wash my hands) in the bathroom.  I just feel so overwhelmed. After bed time my feet are aching and I am spent.  But the 3 days worth of dishes need to be done. The garden needs to be watered. (The rain barrel water smells icky, which makes me cringe. But the outside faucet that just got fixed yesterday is turned off so tightly I can't turn the damn thing on!)  The projects that are usually fun for me require energy I just can't muster.  And then I cried harder when I remembered how much I wanted ice cream for dessert. I stupidly told Emma about my craving during dinner, and she promptly lost the privilege with poor table manners and behavior, including pinching my arm when she got mad at me. Oy! So I checked the status of cocoa powder thinking a chocolate overdose in the form of brownies would be in order- no such luck. So now I am tear-stained and emotionally drained with no sugary mental fix in sight. And there is no one around to join this party! No one to bring me a soft serve cone. No one to sit on my couch while I go devour a brownie sundae. I have no friends. I have no sweets. How is that for feeling sorry for myself?